Operation Caroline – Pre-Op Leaf Clearance

I went out this afternoon to start Caroline’s big rescue operation.The garden was beautifully peaceful and quiet when I first stepped outside. Then the second I started cutting her leaves off, the Magpie Air Force suddenly exploded into life in the tree above me — squawking and carrying on like they were watching the season finale of their favourite football match.

I was giggling so much that poor old Caroline probably thought I was laughing at her. She must have been thinking “Oi you… what’re you doing to me now?!” while I was snipping away.She’s now just a bare stem with one single tragic upright leaf left on top. She looks very bare and dramatic, but this should help her stop wasting energy on all those struggling leaves and start focusing on her roots.The pruning saw should be arriving between 6–8pm tonight. Once it’s here I’m planning to finish the job myself — cutting her down to about 6 inches and sealing the wound. I’ve decided not to wait for Tom. He would probably charge me anyway, even though he caused her demise by planting her in cold clay soil in February and taking her protective fleece off.

Bonus Chaos Update: The Eggshell IncidentBecause today clearly wasn’t chaotic enough…After successfully completing Caroline’s pre-op leaf clearance (with live commentary from the Magpie Air Force), I decided to be a responsible plant mum and scatter some crushed eggshells around Fatima and Briony to help deter slugs.Job done. Feeling smug.Then I casually read that you’re supposed to wash them, bake them in the oven, and then grind them.…Whoops.So yes. I have now sprinkled raw, unwashed, straight-from-the-kitchen eggshells around my precious plants like some kind of enthusiastic amateur slug terrorist.Fatima and Briony are probably wondering what fresh hell I’m putting them through next.The garden chaos gremlin strikes again. Never a dull moment.(At least the slugs might be slightly confused for a day or two.)