Caroline the Cordyline – Update from the Drama Department

 

It’s been a few weeks since I introduced you to Caroline the Cordyline, and I thought it was time for a progress report.There is no progress.Caroline is still exactly the same.One single tall leaf. Still not growing. Still not greening up. Still drooping at that perfect tragic angle that says “I have been betrayed by life itself.”The rest of her leaves remain brown and crispy, flopped on the ground like she’s auditioning for a role in a Victorian melodrama called The Plant That Was Planted Too Early.Every time Tom comes round, I make sure he walks past her.“Poor Caroline,” I say softly. “She was such a lovely, healthy plant when she arrived…”Then I let the silence do the heavy lifting.Caroline doesn’t need dialogue. She just stands there serving maximum side-eye. If plants could speak, her script would be very short:“I didn’t ask to be here.
This is all your fault.
I am emotionally scarred for life.”Fatima the Fatsia, meanwhile, is quietly recovering next to her like the well-behaved sibling who got the cloche and the second chance.It’s like having the before-and-after photos of Tom’s gardening skills living side by side in the same border.Caroline is no longer just a plant.
She is a £80 guilt monument.
A living, breathing (well… barely) reminder that sometimes you should wait until May before planting things.She’s staying right where she is.Her only job now is to look tragic and disappointed every time Tom visits.And she is very good at her job.