Caroline's Revenge

 

I always knew Caroline the Cordyline was dramatic.But yesterday she took it to a whole new level.It was a windy afternoon. I was standing near the border when one of the six ninjas decided to use poor Caroline as his personal climbing frame for a feeder raid.Big mistake.As the squirrel scrambled up her stem, Caroline — who has been sulking since February — finally lost it.One of her long, droopy brown leaves whipped round like a soggy green lasso and THWACKED the ninja straight across the face.The squirrel froze mid-climb, eyes bulging, mouth open in pure shock.Then Caroline went full diva tantrum mode.She started swaying wildly in the wind, flinging her floppy leaves around like an angry octopus on a bad day. Leaves were slapping everywhere — one caught the squirrel on the bum, another nearly took his tail clean off.The other five ninjas were watching from the fence, absolutely creasing themselves. One laughed so hard he fell backwards off the fence into the hedge. Another was pointing and crying with laughter.Even the magpies stopped their moss-bombing to watch the show. One actually dropped its moss in disbelief.I swear Caroline looked smug afterwards. Her one proud lime-green leaf was standing extra tall, as if to say:“That’s what you get for messing with a drama queen who’s survived transplant shock, frost, and years of neglect.”The ninja in question has not been seen since. He’s probably still hiding under the shed, traumatised, telling the others:“Never use the angry brown plant as a climbing frame. She’s mental.”Moral of the story: Never underestimate a sulky Cordyline. She’s been plotting her revenge for months.The end (until tomorrow… when Caroline will probably start practising her leaf-whip technique on the magpies)