Ghillie Suit Gardening – Live Dispatch: LEVEL 20 — CYRIL HAS WON THE WAR
I have been utterly, comprehensively, and humiliatingly defeated by one small squirrel.This morning I went out and put the sodding lid back on the Littlies extra-wide “squirrel-proof” feeder for the fourth time. I even wrote and posted a blog post publicly shaming him for his previous acts of vandalism.Not ten minutes later, Cyril had unscrewed the lid again, hidden it somewhere I still cannot find, and is now fully living inside the feeder like he’s paid the mortgage and I’m the squatter.
Tail elegantly wrapped around the branch for support. Body completely inserted. Head buried deep in the suet pellets like he’s on a luxury spa day and I’m just the cleaner.He is no longer raiding my feeders.
He has moved in. He’s redecorated. He’s probably charging rent to the other squirrels.At this point I’m seriously considering just putting a little “Cyril’s Private Residence” sign on it and accepting my new role as his full-time catering staff.The manufacturers of these “squirrel-proof” feeders clearly never met my Cyril. This little ginger-and-grey criminal has more engineering knowledge, determination, and sheer fucking audacity than most humans I’ve ever encountered.The final score stands at:
Cyril: Infinity
Me: -47 and falling rapidlyI am no longer fighting squirrels.
I am simply providing luxury accommodation and all-you-can-eat dining for one extremely entitled, highly skilled tiny criminal who has made it his life’s mission to destroy my sanity one feeder lid at a time.Send stronger lids.
Send therapy.
Send a priest.Actually, just send more pliers and a white flag.I surrender.
Cyril has won. The garden is his now.Level 20 achieved.
He has moved in. He’s redecorated. He’s probably charging rent to the other squirrels.At this point I’m seriously considering just putting a little “Cyril’s Private Residence” sign on it and accepting my new role as his full-time catering staff.The manufacturers of these “squirrel-proof” feeders clearly never met my Cyril. This little ginger-and-grey criminal has more engineering knowledge, determination, and sheer fucking audacity than most humans I’ve ever encountered.The final score stands at:
Cyril: Infinity
Me: -47 and falling rapidlyI am no longer fighting squirrels.
I am simply providing luxury accommodation and all-you-can-eat dining for one extremely entitled, highly skilled tiny criminal who has made it his life’s mission to destroy my sanity one feeder lid at a time.Send stronger lids.
Send therapy.
Send a priest.Actually, just send more pliers and a white flag.I surrender.
Cyril has won. The garden is his now.Level 20 achieved.
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