Ta dah!After the sad ghost sheet on bendy canes failed spectacularly, I reached peak garden madness: I have now given Fatima her own personal blue parasol like she’s on a cheap package holiday in sodding Benidorm.
Before (high risk of umbrella manslaughter should the wind blow and it falls over taking Fatima with it):
After (weighted down with heavy pot + angled towards the hedge):
It still looks gloriously ridiculous, but at least it’s now a slightly more stable ridiculous.Fatima is currently looking okay under her fancy new blue canopy (luckily for her). She'd be getting properly cooked at 1.30-3pm without it, so the parasol is actualy earning it's keep for now. Unfortunately, the Lavatera right next to her - who loves full sun - is now getting blocked by the parasol and is sitting in the shade looking mildly offended.One plant happy. One plant sulking. This is fine. Everything is fine.I also gave the whole bed another deep watering this morning, so she had better shut up now. Cloudy and rainy days are forecast for almost a week, so she might actually survive without throwing another Oscar-worthy tantrum.
A Cautionary TaleWho knew garden wildlife could be this high maintenance?
This ain’t Longleat.Who knew plants could be this high maintenance?
This ain’t Kew Gardens.And who knew that when my sister bought me a simple bird feeding station for my birthday a few years ago, it would lead to this?Because let’s be honest — a card and a KitKat would have been absolutely fine.Instead, I am now:
Now I have a Wildlife Cafe with a very demanding clientele and zero days off.Send help.
Or at least another KitKat.
Before (high risk of umbrella manslaughter should the wind blow and it falls over taking Fatima with it):
After (weighted down with heavy pot + angled towards the hedge):
It still looks gloriously ridiculous, but at least it’s now a slightly more stable ridiculous.Fatima is currently looking okay under her fancy new blue canopy (luckily for her). She'd be getting properly cooked at 1.30-3pm without it, so the parasol is actualy earning it's keep for now. Unfortunately, the Lavatera right next to her - who loves full sun - is now getting blocked by the parasol and is sitting in the shade looking mildly offended.One plant happy. One plant sulking. This is fine. Everything is fine.I also gave the whole bed another deep watering this morning, so she had better shut up now. Cloudy and rainy days are forecast for almost a week, so she might actually survive without throwing another Oscar-worthy tantrum.
I can’t believe how much time, money and energy I’ve spent on this one bloody plant. On a par with Caroline
Fully hardy my arse. And that goes for both of them.Next stop: matching sunglasses and a cocktail? Or just waiting for Tom and the cavalry on Wednesday like normal, sane people.Current Cafe Score:- Fatima: 1 (living her best main character life… for now)
- My dignity: -47 (completely gone)
- My patience: hanging on by a thread
- The neighbours: definitely wondering what the hell is going on
A Cautionary TaleWho knew garden wildlife could be this high maintenance?
This ain’t Longleat.Who knew plants could be this high maintenance?
This ain’t Kew Gardens.And who knew that when my sister bought me a simple bird feeding station for my birthday a few years ago, it would lead to this?Because let’s be honest — a card and a KitKat would have been absolutely fine.Instead, I am now:
- Running a 24-hour fox Waitrose click & collect (with loyalty points)
- Being stalked by squirrels who know which window I get dressed behind
- Watering a drama queen Fatsia that needs her own parasol
- Watching Littlies redecorate my patio with oyster grit like it’s their full-time job
- Funding the suet addiction of an entire squirrel mafia
- Negotiating with badgers who think my lawn is an all-you-can-eat buffet
Now I have a Wildlife Cafe with a very demanding clientele and zero days off.Send help.
Or at least another KitKat.
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