Ghillie Suit Gardening – Cyril Is A GitLet me introduce you to the most ungrateful little bastard in the entire garden: Cyril.I bought him a nice squirrel house because the magpies kept nicking his nuts. A proper little wooden home, thinking I was doing a good thing for the local wildlife.What does Cyril do?He treats it like a fucking skip. He’s thrown it off the table multiple times. He’s smashed it up. He’s put a massive hole in the roof like a deranged rockstar on a three-day bender. And now I’ve just ordered him another one because apparently I’m a spineless enabler with more money than sense.This squirrel doesn’t appreciate anything. He doesn’t say thank you. He doesn’t even use the bloody house properly. He just wrecks it out of sheer spite, then sits there with his little beady eyes like “What? It’s not my fault you bought cheap shit.”Cyril isn’t a squirrel.
He’s an entitled destructive gremlin with a nut addiction and anger management issues. He even chucked the bug hotel on the ground and smashed that, too.At this point I’m half tempted to leave the new house in the box and just scatter his nuts on the floor like the feral little vandal he is. Maybe then he’ll stop redecorating my garden with broken squirrel house parts.Cyril, if you’re reading this (and I wouldn’t put it past you, you clever little shit), sort your fucking life out. Or at least stop breaking everything I buy you.The rest of the garden is bad enough without you adding interior design by vandalism to the mix.
No comments:
Post a Comment